Show #288

Hello Friends of the Garden!

It’s time to fess up! I’m about to retire from teaching. I’ve been a teacher for 29 years. I’ve taught everything from 11 year olds to 80 year olds. I’ve taught other teachers. I’ve been to the State Capitol to meet with the state superintendent of schools to receive an award for the performance of the school I worked at. There have been a career’s worth of highlights. The melancholy feelings of reaching this stage in life are a reflection of the journey.

At nineteen, I met and married my wife and that point in my life I knew I needed to take a good look at the direction I was headed in. I knew I had to work hard to provide the kind of life for my wife and myself that would allow us to have a modest amount of comfort. I worked at all kinds of jobs in my life. My first job was bagging ice. I’ve been a short order cook, a forklift driver, a parts clerk, an auto glass deliverer, a painter and several other little jobs on my path to becoming a teacher.

I honestly never enjoyed school growing up. An unfortunate aspect of my family’s dynamic led me to going to many different schools growing up. The consequence of frequently changing addresses left me feeling a lack of connection and sense of belonging. I always felt like an outsider because I was. School reinforced these feelings in a natural and organic way. I have always felt this way, even now.

I shake my head and wonder how I’ve spent the greater portion of my life in an institution that caused me such heartache in my formative years. After the birth of my son I knew that I needed to do more to provide for my family. My father was the first person in our family to receive a college degree. He always wanted me to be the second. After years of languishing in assorted other jobs, I decided to return to school to the delight of my parents and my wife’s.

I didn’t start my return to college with the intent of becoming a teacher. I had been conditioned to believe that I needed to get a college degree to make the kind of money that would secure a comfortable lifestyle. I started out as an Engineering Major. In retrospect it now feels a lot like those years before my return to college. I was doing something but I wasn’t sure if it was what I wanted. I didn’t know what I wanted! I have never been one of those people that knew from birth that they wanted to be veterinarian!

At a critical point in my return to college I hit a wall. I didn’t enjoy engineering. I only chose that because it was something my father did. The uncertainty drove me to nearly having a breakdown. I was lost. My wife scraped up the pieces as she has done more than once with me and directed me to education. She had herself returned to school to complete her degree in education. We would at least have that to share. The clouds passed and I poured myself in to the task at hand.

One of the last jobs I had before beginning my career as a teacher was as a painter. I worked as an assistant for an abusive, alcoholic Hispanic man that worked for a property management company. Our jobs mainly consisted of painting government-assisted housing. Everyday was awful! I was never fast enough. I was never good enough. He cursed at me. He used foul language all the time when addressing me. I was made to feel inadequate and incapable. Every mistake I made was noted and used to constantly remind me by my tyrant of a boss. I became keenly aware of my own shortcomings. Whenever I finished a portion of work I prepared myself for the critical examination by my boss. There was always a minor imperfection and attention drawn to address the lack of quality. After time I lost faith in myself.

It’s a horrible thing that human nature often has us amplifying our mistakes and discounting our accomplishments! Why are we like that? Why am I like that? My best guess is that it comes from conditioning. As teacher, you share responsibility for every failure of your students. Every mistake you make as a teacher is noted and associated with the performance of your students. When test scores come out for analysis it’s always about how the teacher can improve. Often at these meetings it is mentioned that it’s all about student learning but the truth is it’s more about teacher learning!

Here’s some more irrefutable truth, they don’t know what works for all students! That whole thing about the educational “pendulum” is true. In my career I’ve witnessed it many times. Practices that were once antiquated and deemed unproductive were replaced with “new” ones to address the foolishness of previous perceptions. Those “new” ideas eventually became antiquated and unproductive and replaced by something that oddly resembled past practices.

I believe a popular definition of insanity has been, “Expecting different results by continually doing the same thing!” Naturally, education has turned that on its head with,  “Expecting consistently higher test results by continually changing!” Sometimes I would sit in those meetings and wonder by what miracle was it that allowed me to be a college graduate. Clearly my education was flawed by an inadequate delivery system! It was as if I had to accept and agree that the way I learned was inappropriate for anyone today!

For all the time and effort spent by educational experts there isn’t a lot of conclusive evidence to support their results. It would seem that fortune-tellers could be as good as the experts, just another good guesser! Right now, the trend in education is to allow students to make mistakes and learn to express their reasoning as clearly as possible while encouraging them to find their own correct path. It is a profound irony that the assessment of teachers is done completely opposite of the “best” way for students to learn! Teachers are not afforded room for mistakes.

It is a melancholy feeling here at the end of my career as I mentioned before. I can’t help but recall those days as a painter! I feel less capable about my life long career now than I did at the start! I also have become aware of how I have allowed myself to be conditioned personally and professionally to feel that way. My eyes are opening a little and I’m trying hard to give myself the credit for having done the best I could. That’s a tough assignment for a teacher!

Thanks to some important people in my life I’ve been working at learning what makes me happy. I’m finding out what I like doing. I still want to make the world a better place! I want to show I’m relevant! I’m about to turn a corner in life and I feel a positivity returning. I’m also learning how, with the love and support of family and friends, to be as aware of my accomplishments at least as much as I have of my perceived failures. I’m beginning to anticipate that I can move on. As scary as moving on is, I really like the things I’m doing now! It’s getting better all the time! Look out!

Peace and love to you all!

Mike

Show #287

Hello Friends of the Garden!

It’s always nice to be back at the coast. Yesterday, instead of my typical sea-glass hunt, it was time rebuild my little potting bench. I think it turned out pretty good considering it was built completely from scraps!

The real down side of coastal living is the constant deterioration of anything man made! The minute any person puts the final touch on anything, whatever it is, it feels like the Sun, wind, ocean air, and rain all conspire together to return things to its elemental state! The imperceptible decimation seems to lull one into complacency!

I built that workbench at least fifteen years ago and I’ve been coming here regularly over time. The odd thing is I saw the bench falling apart and getting all loose and wobbly and I just dismissed it to be handled on another occasion. This weekend I realized it was time to forego the sea-glass hunt and get it done.

I’m a fairly handy person, I know that, but compared to some of my friends I wouldn’t even claim to know what a hammer is! It has become clear that my parents combined to pass on their dominant self-deprecation genes to me! However, after having spent this much time with myself, I am learning to justify the praise of friends and loved ones against my perceived fatal flaws.

Perfection seems impossible and exasperating! We have religions built around perfection, from Baptists to Scientologists all seeking some unattainable form of perfection. We see perfection as rare and mystical. We actually are blind to perfection! Anything in its elemental state has to be perfect! From that standpoint, my old workbench was slowly working its way to perfection!

I knew I wouldn’t build a bench as well as my friend Mark. I knew it wouldn’t be bad or at least not worse than the old rotting first effort (even I hear my own self-deprecating way). After reconciling between skill and need, I was prepared to accept the implications. In the end, the bench turned out better than the last one, not perfect, but better. I learned a little from the design flaws that helped accelerate the bench’s return to perfection!

Can you imagine a reluctant Henry Ford saying, “Yeah, sure, I can build a car but it wouldn’t be perfect! I mean eventually there would be horrible accidents and I’d need to know about airbags, and I don’t! Think about it people would be killing themselves with my invention! Who knows what else could go wrong! No, I can’t do this.” Cars have come a long way since Henry Ford’s time! Perfection can be imprecise and subjective.

I think we have the same problem with Health Care. The government wants their version of perfection. The people want their version of perfection. The ridiculous thing is that all along this has felt like an “our” plan or “theirs”! As if it’s a yes or no issue.

What if the Federal Government’s job was just to support each state’s preferred health plan? Even better, maybe we could see how dedicated the government is to the protection of the citizenship by really working together to get the very best thing for everyone! Honestly, wouldn’t that affect more people than any losses we’ve had foreign and abroad?

I really don’t get it! Name a political party. Let’s say the party you picked eventually gains complete dominance and everyone else is relegated to compliance. How is that supposed to work? Really, isn’t that the goal right now? Both groups give all outward appearances of it being bad to work together! How remarkably ignorant is that?

A perfect health plan, are you kidding? Our best hope is that we aren’t hurt too much by their sluggish efforts to help us. I mean hey, we’re counting on millionaires to figure out a fair tax code for our poor, uneducated souls! I’m sure it’ll work out! Maybe we follow Henry Ford. We build a car and plan on it getting better each year! It’s not a perfect plan but it works! C’mon man!

Peace and love to you all!

Mike

Show #286

Hello Friends of the Garden!

Finally! We have clouds! I even felt some sprinkles of rain while enjoying a backyard fire with friends last night. I said the change would do you good comes to mind. I’ve worn pants now on several occasions because it felt cool enough to wear them. I have a couple of friends that always wear shorts no matter the weather. I mean it could be snowing out and they would still wear shorts! It hadn’t occurred to me until just now, but I should ask those friends if they have winter shorts and summer shorts? Probably not!

Seems like there is a lot of change in the air, almost everywhere you look! The examples are all over the place. The whole sexual harassment issue has blown up to amazing proportions. Falling right in to line are the issues of racial and gender inequality. I even read recently that Chinese elitism is on the rise despite efforts to address it! Aren’t they communists? There are about 1,500,000 millionaires in China today!

In his enigmatic epigram, Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr wrote, "plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose".  The more accepted translation is, “The more things change, the more they stay the same!” The rich get richer, and the entitled wield influence to the point that they feel they can obviate the law or consequences, globally! Isn’t it an odd coincidence that we have put our trust in the richest Americans (i.e. members of Congress) to create a fair tax code?

Paulo Freire, a Brazilian theorist and educator wrote the book, Pedagogy of the Oppressed. In that book he makes the assertion that dehumanization is the result of an unjust order that engenders violence in the oppressors, which in turn dehumanizes the oppressed. Sure sounds like the sexual harassment issue to me. From what it appears it sure seems like these women (and men I guess) were treated as objects or conquests. Sounds a lot like the “Black Lives Matter” movement too. For that matter it seems a lot like the “Tea Party” movement too. I guess there’s more than enough oppression for everyone (oh yeah, Islamophobia)!

Right now it feels like the pot is about to boil over on several of these and more social issues. It has become routine to hear about deaths in America on grand scales. No one is surprised to read about the gap in gender wages. To see that an American military person has died ANYWHERE on the globe is a regular event on TV. From the Taliban to Al-Qaeda to ISIS we’ve become accustom to awaiting the next group to arise. Complacency has rooted itself in us all until that oppression is felt personally and becomes the motivation for advocacy!

Things change at glacial speeds, revolutions however, occur in an instant. A tipping point is achieved and a new order is established. Prohibition is a perfect example. At one point we decided as a country to acknowledge that alcohol could not be banished in America effectively despite the efforts of government agencies to do so. Regulating alcohol was the fall back position that was consensus compromise. Marijuana isn’t much different. History books will eventually regard it as much the same.

Pedagogy of Indignation was the last book written by Paulo Freire before his death in 1997. In this book he addresses the necessity to make and remake one’s self throughout a lifetime and the daily tensions between freedom and authority. My guess is that people become so entrenched in their thinking they stop thinking. They never “remake” themselves. They never examine themselves. It never occurs to them that they might be wrong.

“Critical citizenship” is an educational notion that societies will prosper with greater critical thinkers in its populous. Common core standards have been implemented to address the deficit of “career ready” students with critical thinking skills. However, no one really recognizes the deficit of “society ready” students. Sure, let’s fix our ability to compete economically, why bother with fixing how to get along equitably!

It seems to me that the answer is that we have to wait for the new elite to transcend old thinking. Indian gaming came in to existence in the early 70’s after a Supreme Court ruling that stated states do not have the authority to regulate Native activities on their reservations. While Indian gaming may be construed as both good and bad, it has improved the lives economically for many Native Americans.

Like a snake shedding its skin the old guard will die off and the new one will take the wheel. New thinking will come with new people! I just hope those new people have more compassion than compulsion!

Peace and love to you all!

Mike

Show #285

Hello Friends of the Garden!

I’m not a native Californian. I’m not even a native Texan despite spending the greater portion of my formative years there. I was born eight years after Tom Petty in the same hospital in Gainesville, Florida. I’m the first born of three with a brother and younger sister. My father was disappointed that I wasn’t born in his home state of Texas like my brother and sister were. Not so much so that he was openly mean about it. It just didn’t go the way he wanted.

It’s funny how it became a “dirty little secret”, an unmentionable fact, that my birth took place in Florida. It certainly wasn’t a plan by my parents that I was born there, it just happened that way. For some reason the place of my birth was of great significance to my father.  He never said anything in a derogatory way regarding the place of my birth. He was always proud of every other aspect of me, his first-born son, with the site of my birth as the only blemish.

My earliest memories were all about Texas. We never really talked about me not being a natural Texan. I always knew that I wasn’t! We moved a lot and we were always filling out forms of one sort or another for schools and the dreaded “Birth Place” blank would cement the origin of my existence!

I learned to be the Texan that my Dad wanted. It’s hard not to! Most language experts will tell you that “immersion” into a different culture with a different language is the best way to acquire another language. Immersed from near birth, I assimilated seamlessly. Just like other states, Texas has its’ history and I learned it in grade school. On trips to my Grandma’s house in South Texas I learned how big Texas truly is. We would pile in to the car and drive for hours and hours (seven) to her house.

I remember when we moved to Rochester, New York during my senior year of high school. I was seriously made fun of in school for all my acquired cultural attributes. My clothes, my accent, the words I chose were all as out of place as I was. It was kind of lonely really. The oddest part of the whole thing was that they believed I was a Texan! I knew I wasn’t! They even nicknamed me “Tex”! Suddenly being a Texan was a source of ridicule. I had just gotten good enough to be a believable Texan! Talk about being an outsider! I wasn’t even really a part of the group being disparaged and I wasn’t even accepted by other Texans!

Now I’m a “naturalized” Californian. Not that my friends would necessarily agree. I have lived in my house in Fresno longer than I have lived anywhere in my entire life. Despite the static nature of my latter years, my status as an outsider has never left me. It lingers deep within me with little subtle reminders from time to time. It feels like I’ve spent my entire life trying to fit in!

I have made some strides to embrace the amalgam of my experiences and influences. I have made a conscious effort to try to see how I fit in and what I can do. I can use that variety of culture and climate to my advantage to give me a perspective that would be impossible for many here and elsewhere! When my Mom (also not a Texan, born in South Carolina) told me I was special I never thought it would take so long to accept the notion that I was! It’s not too late to do something good with it!

Peace and love to you all!

Mike

Show #284

Hello Friends of the Garden!

Beautiful morning in Cambria!

I’ve determined that it’s time to get back on horse. I feel compelled to write again! It’s been months since I’ve been at the coast house and I feel its’ positivity almost instantly! My son has been recovering from his surgery and is well enough to take care of himself at least through the weekend. So, it’s nice to be back at the “Fortress of Solitude”. Time to embrace my inner Superman!

This roof should outlast me!

It’s such a joy to let go of being an amateur roofer. I’ve struggled with trying to patch my roof here at the coast for twenty years! One more example of the axiom, “A man must know his limitations!” The new roof on the house is so nice. It’s so easy to take something so simple as a properly functioning roof for granted.

Wouldn’t it be nice to see super heroes tackle home improvement projects! Like, would Thor get frustrated from constantly pounding nails through the roof?  I wonder if the tedium would be as big challenge as the physical effort? At least their average trips to the hardware store would be faster!

Sure he's powerful but he has no touch!

So, if Thor can’t roof his own house does he get somebody else to do it? What does he say, “I really thought I had this thing but I keep smashing everything and I only have this one hammer”? I can just hear Mike Gamez (a famous roofer) now! “Hey man, you’re great at saving us from intergalactic enemies and that’s all cool! Don’t feel bad about not being able to fix your roof! Don’t worry we have people that are good at this sort of stuff!”

Getting' stuff done for the planet!

I’m not just bagging on Thor! They (super heroes in general) all seem to have their issues just like the rest of us! It’s just fun to think what if The Flash and Superman were also skilled in construction? Dams, trains, hurricane victims, fires, earthquake victims, adequate housing, and hospitals would become a minor issue. Magneto alone could pound every nail in a roof instantaneously! No sense in these super heroes just sitting around waiting for maniacal aliens! They should be busy all the time!

I guess I could find new things to get
mad about, otherwise I'm
irrelevant!

Just for laughs, wouldn’t it be a hoot to see the trailers for, “Avengers 12: The End to Worldwide Racism!” By appearances it seems easier to destroy an evil robot than to get people to get along! If these super heroes were really doing their job it would be tough on Batman and the Hulk. There wouldn’t be any criminals for Batman to face and the Hulk wouldn’t have anything to be mad about!

Super heroes are far too unreliable for this sort of work. I think I’ll stick with the regular super heroes like Mike Gamez, honest, fair, hard working people that care! And thank goodness that there are a lot more Mike Gamez’s out there too! There are more good people out there trying to make this world a better place than there are doing the opposite. The latter just gets better media coverage and goes to great extremes to get attention!

Thanks for your patience! I’m working through my own difficult transitions and the last few months have been a challenge for me. Fortunately, I’m surrounded by a host of “regular” super heroes and they have been at my side even when I didn’t see them! Believe it or not, all of you listeners are my super heroes too and part of my happiness! So many of you are so gracious in your appreciation for my radio show! I love my show and it’s so nice to know that many of you do too!

I'm easing back in to the writing. Hang in there with me!

Peace and love to you all!

Mike