Show #252

Hello Friends of the Garden,

Obsessed with size!

What a wonderful morning it is! Saturday is here again and I'm at my spot in the garage with my coffee and the paper. This is an exercise in "utility" that has enormous therapeutic quality. I definitely use my Saturday mornings to reflect, slow down, take a breath and remind myself of all the things I've been blessed with!

Me and my good friend John
Alden! Working things out for
the Rogue Festival.

When I first started drinking coffee I used to have the impression that this is what many people use to wake up and get their day started. Later, I learned that some people use coffee to recover from having too much fun the night before! Now, I feel like coffee means setting aside some time to think and reflect. I wish I had spent more time thinking and processing my feelings when I was younger. I'm certain I would have avoided at least some of the self inflicted wounds I've given myself over the years.

Too much, way too much stuff!

The only trouble with all that reflection and thinking is if you don't follow up on it without doing anything with it, then why do it at all? I have been "thinking" about cleaning up my garage for a couple of years now. I have made myself keenly aware of the benefits of having a clean garage. Aside from the obvious, like being able to find things, I have discovered the residual affect it has on my wife. 

Ok, here's the formula, get "ringers"
like Max Debbas and Debi Ruud and
your chances for success are way
better!

Although my wife only spends a minuscule amount of time in the garage, I have found that it pleases her greatly to have a clutter free walk from her car to inside the house. Of course this divides a whole group of people who's car is not presently inside their garages for a host of reasons. I have one friend that has a three car garage and there is no space for any of his cars! 

Another "ringer" and new companion
Debbie Dailey didn't know she would
have to act too! She was great!

I won't deny that I do really want to have a tidy garage for my own satisfaction but, even better is how it pleases my wife! Don't be surprised if Dr. Oz has a show about improving your sex life by having a clean garage! Seems like all the things that you need to do for your own good requires some kind of sacrifice and effort! Seriously, how bad would you like to improve your sex life? Bad enough to clean the garage? Imagine the possible responses!

Larry Lindberg and Steve
Ono 2/5ths of the "Flat
Growlers"

While cleaning my garage I've had time to contemplate my latest focus, our Rogue Festival show! Our group/troupe has one last show tonight and I have to admit to feeling a little bittersweet about it. It came to an end so quickly! There has been a lot of work and effort put in by so many along the way! Each successive show has been better and better and more and more satisfying! 

Don Priest and Mike Smith 2 more
fifths of the "Flat Growlers"

The transition from rehearsing to performing has been a lot like waiting in line at Magic Mountain for "X-2". The wait in line seems like forever, then the ride is over in seconds! The tedious work involved in getting to the performance seems so worth it now that our group has experienced the thrill of bringing our production to the public. There are a lot more smiles, compliments, laughter and just pure love among many of us as we collectively witness the finished product. 

The 5th Growler and
mandolin madman
John Fowler!

When you are as dumb as I am, everyday is an opportunity to learn something! I like to think of myself as being very average. So, it should make you feel confident that even the average are capable of realizing the room for greater understanding. This Rogue Festival show has come with it's own lessons.

Valerie Priest and scene
stealing Mike Smith!

Here's my big lesson learned! In 1993 when Chris Farley interviewed Paul McCartney on SNL, he asked him about the meaning of the song "The End". Farley asked, "Is that true? The love you take is equal to the love you make." My greatest joy is to slip off away and observe all the joy and laughter of my friends. I can't help but feel a sense of pride at being a part of bringing some happiness to the world.

Joey Arriola in a moment of clarity!

So, yes it is true, the love you take is equal to the love you make! In the end it's not about things, it's about the memories. When my Dad passed away I took some of his clothes, his hat and his boots! I cherish those things but not nearly as much as the memories I have locked away! The memories of that one time a bunch of my friends put on a show and made a town laugh is worth much, much more than any gift or thing! It took a lifetime to learn this one!

Mike Golding all purpose, all
powerful!

On to Show #252! This week I can't think of any great entertainment competition so, no excuses everybody! This show starts normal and ends jamming! The first hour has an Americana feel to it and ends a little nostalgically. The second hour is an onslaught of "Jam Bands"! First timers on the show this week are Sarah Jarosz, Bloodkin, Bishop Black and Raq. I'm excited to play the Umphrey McGee tune, try not to miss it! It made me think of our buddy Tyson and some of the stories I had heard! You'll like it!

Glen Westersund looks better in
my Dad's hat than I do!

Thank you Jerry and Robin as always! Jerry congratulations on the birth of another grandchild! Robin, thank you for your patience with my zealousness regarding my play! It feels so good feeling good again (thanks REK)!

Mr. Silky voice, Don Weaver 

Hey, if you want off this list just send a note to us and you won't have to be bothered with this message any more! It won't hurt my feelings! I can tell you I'll keep writing because this is more about learning than earning your respect or agreement. Most of you who know me know this about me; I'm not trying to persuade anyone about anything. I would never presume to have a greater knowledge of anything, just the desire to understand myself more! So many of you are so very supportive and you have contributed to my own growth! I'm so thankful!

Jennifer Kanzler and me!

My Dad's boots. I can wear 'em
but, I'll never fill them!

Peace and love to you all!

Mike

Show #251

Hello Friends of the Garden,

Not the group my wife went to. 

Well, it's another wonderful Saturday morning! I didn't have too much fun on Friday night so, I feel good. I was a bachelor on Friday night because my wife had a night out with her friends. They had planned to engage in a "Wine and Painting" party. The irony of their choice made my evening all the more humorous to think about. 

What? Must have been really good
wine or at least a lot of it!

I have been using this blog to see if I enjoyed writing. I'm finding that I never really got a chance to discover what my passion is. I had reckoned that I could practice by writing every week in this blog. If I didn't like it, it would die a natural death from ambivalence.That eventually led to something more. With a lot of help, a few of my good friends and I wrote a play and performed it to great success. 

Conscientious objector

My buddies, and a couple new additions to the group, have joined to put another show/play together. While discussing a certain scene, I proposed including "Wine and Painting" as an excuse for guys to go out and drink while their wives are busy. All of my friends looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language. None of them were aware of "Wine and Painting" parties. 

Jackson Pollock on pastels!

Yesterday, the night before our opening performance, I get a night out from "Wine and Painting". It came completely naturally! This was an idea of one of my wife's friends. My wife has never shown any interest in it. I had never discussed anything about our play/show beforehand with any of them. I didn't really even talk to my wife much about the writing either. 

Thursday my wife and few others saw our final dress rehearsal. It was also filmed by CMAC, a local public access program. Friday morning, my wife laughed as she told me that she would be busy with her friends that evening attending a "Wine and Painting" party. The irony was too much to be real! Talk about "Life imitating art" or "Art imitating life" or which ever it is!

My wonderful wife's "Wine
and Painting" treasure!
 Life is strange!

Real life is so filled with these little moments. You can't make this stuff up! You just have to count yourself lucky when you catch it, like seeing a shooting star! It's so cool when you're there to witness it! It seems to happen to me a lot, I'll bet it does to you too!

Hey thanks Jerry and Robin for attending the dress rehearsal. You guys are so supportive of me! It never goes unnoticed! Your opinions are always respected by me! I can't say thanks enough!

Thank you too, kind listeners and supporters of my show and KFSR! We are approaching another fund raising time and our last effort was not as productive as hoped. I hope you will consider helping out the station in whatever way you can! We thrive on small contributions, your modest support will be greatly appreciated!

Peace and love to you all!

Mike

Show #250

Hello Friends of the Garden,

It was nice to have a
morning fire while I wrote this!

Well, I feel much better than I did at this time last week. I still have the last lingering bits of a cough and my throat is still a little sore from coughing but, I feel significantly better now. It was of little consolation that I was told that "it" was "going around". Right now I wish it had gone right on by me! If I were a NASCAR driver, right now my corporate sponsor would be Mucinex! 

Poor baby, of course it's her husband
Being referred to.

Although I understand that I'm incapable of diagnosing it, I don't believe my cold advanced to the "Man Flu" level. Considering the condition, the only absolute prevention would have nothing to do with health practices. The only certain deterrent would be if you are unaffiliated (i.e. not married or in a relationship). It would be an exercise in futility for a man to exaggerate the severity of his cold to no one!

Well, this sure explains things!

I believe it's a natural human trait for both men and women to exaggerate.  This behavior can be witnessed at a national level, and all the way down to a personal level. While there may be many reasons to "stretch" the truth, I believe it occurs most often to gain sympathy or favor. The persecuted or afflicted resort to publicizing their plight with an emphasis on the extreme. All of us have listened to a friend that always seems to be getting the "short stick" in life! Their maladies always are associated with much greater frequency, severity and circumstance. 

Well, this sure explains things!

While sitting up in bed blowing my red, raw nose and coughing my head off, I had plenty of time to watch a lot of TV. Television is the "Holy Grail" of exaggeration! Truthfully, all forms of media have grown and expanded to the point that it can accommodate any philosophy regardless of it's multitude or extreme orientation. The whole "tabloid" industry exists to quench that strange innate need in some Americans. 

How many times have you heard a statement begin with, "When I was your age we used to......"? Invariably, this statement is typically followed by an extreme exaggeration. Like the "Man Flu", whatever times we are in, we are always the ones with the most extreme conditions. Today's "fake news" will become passé just like the whole "birther" following has with time! 

Upon entry to congress, all politicians
are issued one of these!

In the meantime, as painful as it may seem, there is an entertainment quality to observing the "blame-throwers" at work! Listening closer and speaking less quickly is most likely the only cure for "what's going around".

On to Show #250! Amazing 250! Like always, Sunday presents plenty of competition! This week it's The Sunday Garden Party vs. The Academy Awards! No problem! Rather than fight 'em, I decided to embrace the opportunity so, I put together a bunch of samples from the soundtracks of several of my favorite movies. I had a lot of fun getting little clips of audio from each movie. I think you'll enjoy it too. Show #250 and it's as fun as ever putting it together!

Sorry Robin for giving you my cold! Jerry, I know I'm not at fault for your cold, so I know I'm safe from any "blame-throwing"! We'll all catch up when were 100%!

Thank you listeners and readers of this message! Sorry about last week! Thank goodness I'm on the mend! I'll be at the microphone this weekend so, give me a call!

Peace and love,

Mike

P.S. Hey you local people! Check out our upcoming Rogue Festival show.

Show #248

Hello Friends of the Garden,

Sunset from last time in Cambria

This weekend finds me back at the coast. The rain has finally let up for a while (strange to say it like that considering how little rain we've had in years prior). Out on the deck, it's a cool, crisp morning! The drone of the ocean waves in the background feels like some kind of subliminal soothing soundtrack. 

This hasn't changed and hasn't helped
my knee either!

This morning I didn't get up as early as I have been recently. It was 7:30 when I rolled out of the driveway to get a newspaper. In Cambria there are only a handful of places that are open at this time. Not one place in town had their newspapers yet. I marveled to myself at the relaxed pace of this town! Back in Fresno I'm usually retrieving my newspaper from under my car by 5:30 AM! In Cambria the news will get here when it gets here, no hurry!

One of three place to get a newspaper
in the morning in Cambria.

Maybe that's the draw for me. Things happen much slower here. Cambria isn't the only place where things happen slowly. On my first trip to Hawaii (with several after), I discovered "Island Time". Back in North Texas, in the sleepy little town of Denison, every business seems to work around their own schedule and not that of the customers. How in the world will they ever dominate the world's economy with this ambivalence toward their quest for financial superiority!

Some Liberals prefer to be called
progressive, while conservative
still prefer to be called right!

I don't think that these places are worried about their place in the world. They seem more focussed on their place in their own place. Anytime I've been at any coastal place, any where, I've noticed a different mind set. Ecology, conservation, environment are all things that are more prominent issues in any coastal town I've ever visited. I've always been curious as to how this disaggregation occurred. 

Wouldn't we be better if we were
just one color? I know white
supremacists think so!

The recent election map confirms this notion of mine. The map looks like a giant red spot in the middle with a crust of blue around the edge. Of course the separation is not an absolute. Even here at the coast there are plenty of people leaning to the right and left. I imagine there are progressive people in the middle of our country, you just never hear about them. 

Can't we just return to a time when we all agreed with each other, like colonial America before our independence? Well, even then we didn't agree with each other and persecuted one another for their differences. We've been like this for years. Other than the Civil War, it seems the only time we set aside our differences and unite is during wartime. Can you imagine anyone saying something about a person who died in service to our country being liberal or conservative? As if it was no great loss to our nation if it was someone who had a dissenting stance on whatever you or I believe in!

Some claim that the slow demise of the middle-class is at the root of our stagnation. Of course "middle-class" refers to more to income rather than ideology. I believe we have lost our middle in America ideologically. Maybe the word "compromise" should be added to the list of unacceptable words to be used in public. 

Naturally left aligned

I do not see anyway to truly "Make America Great Again" while one half of the country (give or take 3 million) thinks the other half is stupid, uneducated, singleminded, greedy, isolated and incapable of knowing the truth when they see it! No matter what you say, I can't see us being great while we benevolently take care of one half of our country!

The "right" way of thinking!

 

Sorry everybody but, we are all going to have to start by taking one step towards the middle if we are going to "Make America Great Again"!

Here's Show #248! I guess I'm as susceptible as the next guy to being influenced by news and lately there's been plenty! The first hour reflects a little of what was running through my mind, you'll see! One nice first timer in this first hour is Kieran Kane & Kevin Welch. I don't get my head on straight until the second hour when I realize that it's Valentines Day coming up! So, I dive right in with "Gardenerisms" on Valentines, girls, love, and hearts! I end it with sweet World Party tune. Love it!

Man, I feel like I haven't seen either of you much lately Robin and Jerry. I've been working on that second project, "Flower Tome Companion III" a lot. Cool thing is I know you're there, I feel it! Thanks for your love and support!

Thank you kind listeners and readers of this blog! I greatly appreciate your tolerance for my desire to express myself. Believe me, I'm not trying to persuade anyone! I don't know enough myself to feel confident to say I'm truly right or wrong about anything! This is only an opportunity to get closer to understanding my own self!

Peace and love to you all!

Mike

Show #247

Hello Friends of the Garden!

Morning rises over Lake Griffith. In
Tarpey there's no drainage! Soon they'll
be stocking it with fish!

Once again sleeping has been difficult. I was up extraordinarily early this morning. I think it's because I know I'll be going to another memorial service for a longtime family friend, Tom Howe. I think it's something that affects us all so differently. When I was younger I don't believe I noticed it as much as I do now. I suppose that's natural as you get older. Time is more relative than Einstein determined so many years ago.

Looks like Hwy. 33 between Avenal
and Reef City.

As a child, Summer vacation, my birthday, Christmas and other anticipated benchmark dates seemed so slow to arrive. Whenever we went on car trips with Mom and Dad, it always seemed so much further and took so much longer than it did as an adult. Now it seems that time picks up speed with age. The changes come quicker. The adjustments are more complicated and difficult. The loss of friends and family comes more often and with remarkable regularity.

The inevitable progression of life continues on. We all share the similar stages in life, childhood, adulthood, and old age yet, it is a solitary journey with all kinds of lessons along the way. I think about how different life is for my father-in-law, Larry. He's lost a mother, a father, a daughter, a wife, and several close friends, of which Tom was one. I can't imagine how he deals with the quiet moments, the pictures, the memories, the loneliness, but he does!

A tree in my front yard not struck by lightning,
just a pain to wake up to!

Having lost my Mother and Father and several close friends, I find myself on a path not so dissimilar than my father-in-law. Of course it's not dissimilar! There is no other path. You either carry on or, you are one of the loved ones that leaves an aching in the hearts of those who loved you. Widespread Panic's, "Old Joe"says it perfectly! Some day, somewhere, somethings get hit by lightning, others just don't, hope we live long and lucky.

Thanks David for helping me!
Would have been a lot harder
by myself! Love you Brother!

My radio show has taught me about the relativity of time. I have always said that those two hours pass by in an instant! Last week when my buddy Jerry was hanging with me in the studio, same thing! Even with another person there, time flew by! 

All of this has made me want to grab hold and try to have as many experiences and memories as I can. I am so gratified personally to be involved in another Rogue Show! My buddy John, sent me a link to a video of our final dress rehearsal of our first show. I choked up when I saw my recently departed friend Ty. He was so good! I hope to make my Mom and Ty proud with this years show! I know I'll have a spot in my heart that will feel good thinking about them!

On to Show #247! I've decided that until I have a dog in the fight, I'll do my radio show live over watching the Super Bowl. Call it sour grapes or whatever! I haven't done my show as much as I'd like to so there you are! I've also decided that I'll have a standard opening for Super Bowl weekend. So, my first set has that Monday Night Football theme from way back, Mojo Nixon and the comedy of Andy Griffith. From there I go head long in to an R&B/Funk/Soul thing. I had a suggestion from a friend that rarely listens that loves that music. He'll probably be watching the Super Bowl but oh well! Like Bob Sharp says, "You miss a little, you miss a lot!" The second hour is special! I'm giving a little preview of the music from our upcoming Rogue show. What makes it special is Ty Kanzler's, "Flower District" song. He recorded it at home but it makes me smile regardless of the sound quality. Somehow I work my way back to R&B again by the end. There are four first timers with this show and lots of other great tunes! Enjoy!

Thanks as always Jerry and Robin! Whether we spend a little time or a lot of time together, any time is well spent, every time!

Thanks to all of you listeners! I'd love to hear from you! Feel free to call and give me an update on the game! I'm at at least interested in the score, I'm in a pool!

Peace and love to you all!

Mike

Show #246

Hello Friends of the Garden!

Super sized cinnamon twist!

Ok, back to the breakfast of champions, donut, coffee and the newspaper! This routine is one that is easy to get behind! 

Fun times at the Fox!

I want to thank my friends Jerry, Kevin, John F., Jen, John and Debi, Mark and Lee, my brother David, and my beautiful wife Robin for going to see Robert Earl Keen with me in Hanford. I'd seen him many times before but this was a first for most of them! He put on a GREAT show but I'm prejudiced when it comes to Robert Earl! I'm putting that memory in the safety deposit box of my heart and cherish it forever! Thanks guys!

Keith & Mick before blood
transfusions and collagen!

It is a mysterious and curious thing how people come in to your life. You never realize from the onset how your path in life gets altered by the influences of the people you come in contact with! I can't say specifically what it is in the people you meet that makes you want to linger a little longer or move on, but I know it starts from deep within you. I know for me it is something that identifies a need of some kind. It could be knowledge or affirmation or simply the friendship of truly talented people that I admire are all things that I seek. Everyone of my friends fulfill some or all of those things or more! Man, am I thankful!

Clearly some deal with the Devil
to have lived this long and look
that good!

Trouble is, you never know when these worlds are gonna collide! What makes this even more peculiar is that every time I get together with friends it seems we keep finding odd connections with other people in our lives! Tiny circles! I'm beginning to believe that in Fresno it's "two degrees" of separation! Still, when you least expect it, you meet somebody that makes you stop and listen. That's so cool because it doesn't happen as often as you would like it to!

Migrating west with the family!

The other thing is you never know who these people are! They come out of nowhere! Having lived a migratory life for my formative years, at heart I have always felt like an immigrant. Being new and meeting new people becomes more difficult with age. When circles are established it's naturally difficult to break in to them and feel accepted. This happens on a much wider scale than we realize, kind of like, a not seeing the forest for the trees thing.

I was reading my newspaper about the executive order for the extreme vetting of refugees. I get that there are bad people out there but, the blanket way this is done seems counterproductive. You have no idea who you are turning away, good or bad! Albert Einstein, Joseph Pulitzer, John Muir, Irving Berlin, are all examples of immigrants that have made significant contributions to our country's legacy. With the exception of Arnold Schwarzenegger, there's a lot of good ones (just kidding, I liked Kindergarten Cop)!

I wish there was a way we could get to know these people. I know it's not practical but, I can't help but feel there's some jewels in there we're missing. Other than the true Native Americans, I have a hard time with this notion of being "native". In 1958, John F. Kennedy wrote, “Every American who has ever lived, with the exception of one group, was either an immigrant himself or a descendant of immigrants,” That really undermines the idea of being "native".

No spell check for hand
painted signs!

Entitlement through legacy and garnered influence smacks of exclusivity. The blanket way we address these and other issues always confuses me! I always wonder where are the super intelligent, savvy, innovative, kindhearted, generous people that should be representing us in our government? Aren't those the guys we're supposed to have? Instead, it seems, we are divided by individual "litmus test" type issues. Circle established! Both sides! Stop thinking! Done!

I'd say, that the general populous and my friends that agree with me and disagree all acknowledge that the traits of kindness and generosity exist in the American populous much more then selfishness and intolerance. Call me Pollyanna, I'm fine with that! I know I'm not alone in my thinking! Minds far greater than mine are way ahead of me! It may take time but that kindness and generosity will prevail, as it should naturally!

On to Show #246! I had a lot going on this week, it took a little before I could settle down and focus! Once I did it was easy! First off, we lost another great one in Butch Trucks this last week! So, Allman Bros. seems appropriate. First timers this week include: Mike Beck, Athena Andreadis, Rev. Peyton's Big Damn Band, Nikki Lane and Ian Siegal & the Youngest Sons. Eventually, I wander back to my roots at the end! Fun times, can't wait!

Hey! I'm so pleased we got to see REK together Jerry and Robin! That was awesome! Great show! Great company! Thanks for being there!

Thank you kind listeners and readers of this blog! Please know that I am only searching for my own truths and not intending to claim to have possession of it! This has always been an expression. Please if I seem pretentious or inane disregard this and just enjoy the music! Call me!

Peace and love!

Mike

Show #245

Hello Friends of the Garden!

I have had trouble sleeping lately. I've been waking up really early, like 4:00 AM or 5:00 AM. I've had a lot on my mind and there's been plenty of things to think about. I'm sure that part of my trouble sleeping has been due to an injury to my knee. It's difficult to find a comfortable position to rest it. It seemed like such a simple thing. I just twisted it a little helping a friend move some furniture. I wasn't even carrying anything when I did it. I tried to just "walk it off" but, it didn't go away. 

I tried taking some Ibuprofen and that didn't do much. I got a knee brace and that felt a little better. Being a guy like I am I figured a better (i.e.more expensive) brace would be even better. The momentary relief I experienced was not commensurate with the additional cost of the brace. The search to assuage my pain remained unanswered. I tried heat packs. I tried ice packs. I began to understand that this was something I needed help with.

I finally went to the doctor. The stubborn fool that I am eventually gave in to the reality (pain) that I wasn't getting better. I became concerned that I may have injured myself more seriously than I realized. Having given in to that reality and knowing that this was out of my control, I began to amplify the possibilities of the unknown and fear crept in. So, with a mixture of trepidation and concession I decided to put my fate in the hands of doctors ( a standard and typical first response for normal people).

I've never enjoyed the doctor's office. I don't get why they call it an appointment! Every time I've gone at the appointed time, I've always waited an extra inordinate amount of time. The extra wait only fuels the frustration and anxiety. I've never understood why you wait in an outside area with old magazines only to wait in a smaller room by yourself with even older magazines! The minutes click by at an exasperatingly slow pace every time!

The jubilation of the door finally opening and the doctor appearing subsides quickly as he asks you all the questions you've already answered to the people up front and the nurses that escorted you to your little room. It feels like everybody but your doctor knows what's going on with you. After getting the doctor up to speed he proceeds to twist and bend my tender knee inducing little yelps from the discomfort. This is followed by some clicking on the computer and mysterious scribbling on a clipboard.

As if I were waiting on the opening of an Oscar envelope I anxiously await the doctors determination. Relief feels only moments away! "Take Ibuprofen, use heat and ice packs, and you should be fine in two weeks." is his advice. All those feelings funnel in to one of total frustration. I was hoping for something more! This is so anticlimactic! Two weeks!?! Really? I limped out of the office and headed home shaking my head!

That pain in my knee suddenly became insignificant as I was shocked by the news of the passing of my friend, Tyson Kanzler, this Monday. Ty and I had many, many things in common. We weren't as close as I would have liked to have been. I'm friends with most of Ty's close friends and it has been hard to witness their sense of loss. Ty will be forever linked to one of my most treasured moments in my life. We had some private moments together and shared our feelings in a way that wasn't superficial or contrived. I'll miss that and I'll miss the opportunity for any other such moments.

A clear distinction between Ty and myself was/is in talent. Clever, funny, introspective, humble and creative were all attributes that Ty channeled in to his talent for music. Ty wrote the theme song for the Rogue Show that we performed in together. I'll never forget opening night. 

Amidst the hustle and bustle of the few moments before the show began, Ty and I sat quietly on a bench alone, away from the other cast members. Ty sensed my nervousness and he put his hand on my shoulder and thanked me for involving him in the show. He told me how he was afraid to perform. I was so wrapped up in my own fear that I was surprised by his admission! I thought to myself, "What? Are you kidding? Ty, you are so talented! I only wish I could be as good as you are!" 

I realized then what the greater commonalities were that Ty and I shared. Self-deprication, vulnerability to insecurity, doubt and an unreasonable denial of capability were/are shackles that we shared. In spite of all the affirmation of all our close friends, both Ty and I had trouble convincing ourselves otherwise. 

My loss pales in comparison to that of Ty's wife, Jen and that of his other closer friends! I always envy groups that are tight and enjoy life and do things together like Ty and his band of Tower buddies. It's as if I've been trying to worm my way in to this group to have the taste of what they experience. Nonetheless, Ty and I had connection and I think what I'll miss the most is the separate journey we were both on to conquer our demons together! 

I'm always late to the party! I missed a great opportunity to know a great man, a real man, a man that was filled with kindness and humility and more to offer than he ever gave himself credit for! Like my other friends that have passed on, I will treasure the precious memories and lessons left to me. I'll miss you Ty but, I'll never forget you, I'll always be thankful for you!

On to Show #245! Well, I was affected by the passing of my friend and I wanted to use my opportunity to pay tribute to him! I'll have to say that this show is decidedly more reflective than normal. I think beautiful and heartfelt describes this show more so than sad. Sorry, if it seems somber but I couldn't get past needing to reflect and honor my friend. I hope you'll appreciate my sentiment and know that it's just my way of processing the changes!

Thank you so much Robin and Jerry! You guys are a rock, a source of strength that has always given me confidence! I can't imagine this journey without you!

Thank you kind listeners of the show and readers of this message! I appreciate your patience with me. I realize this writing thing may not be your thing so, please if I bore you with it just skip this part! I have simply found a place and point in time where it feels good to express myself this way!

Peace and love to you all!

Mike